Aging, Unattractive Women Resort To “Female Dating Strategies” — Solitary Beast

It never occurred to me that women would need “strategies” to be passive participants in dating and relationships.

…Strategy for what?

Men approach women.

Men initiate seduction and sex.

If it comes to that point (rarer now than ever before in history) men propose marriage.

Regardless of what he looks like, or how much money he has, EVERY man needs a Game Plan for approach, dating, and sex with women.

On the other hand, women are simply approached by interested men, based on their level of attractiveness. They either select or reject male attention.

Do women need “strategies” to reject or accept advances from men?

As someone with an interest in inter gender dynamics, social skills, and seduction, I frequent corners of the internet where these topics are discussed.

The typical content I consume is usually Red Pill themed YouTube videos, PUA blogs, books on dating and seduction, and various forums on the topic.

Through Reddit, I learned of the burgeoning community, or subreddit, r/FemaleDatingStrategy.

FDS stood out as novelty in the space, as the vast majority of content about dating, seduction, etc is created by men for other men.

I was intrigued by the concept of dating strategies for women.

Fascinated, I indulged my curiosity by spending some time reading the posts in the community.

Where FDS is mentioned in the Manosphere, it is always derided and mocked.

I’d heard the women in that community referred to as:

“post-wall”,

“bitter”,

and “poor”,

the last of which I understood to probably be a dog whistle for “Black”.

For a new community, they get a lot of abuse in the dating and seduction space.

I went into my research with an open mind, but already some idea of what was in store.

A strange thing happened when I read the posts and subsequent comments for myself.

I didn’t feel the need to criticize or shame that community. Instead, I realized that the principles being taught in FDS aren’t for “entitled” women seeking to manipulate men for expensive dates.

I felt a huge amount of compassion and empathy.

Many of the posts in r/FDS are from women who are older: mid- 30s to over 40, up to a woman in her sixties.

Women admitted that they are overweight (“but working on it”), unattractive, single mothers, and some even admitted that they don’t get approached by men in real life.

Men either consider these type of women (single mothers, overweight, or unattractive women) as low hanging fruit. She’ll either get used for quick, casual sex, and nothing more, or ignored completely.

When overweight women, women over a certain age, or who don’t meet traditional standards of beauty do get attention from men, it’s a text to Netflix and chill, usually late at night.

Men don’t take women like that on dates.

They settle for being blatantly used for sex, then cast aside, at which point they proudly proclaim to be “single by choice”.

From what I read there, the FDS community is simply trying to level the playing field for women who are often the last picked for the team, if at all.

Many of the posts describe relationships that went wrong in various ways, leaving women hurt and angry as a result.

This is also a common theme in MGTOW spaces, where men who were unlucky in love lick their wounds, generalize, and complain about women.

Each of these are natural human methods to cope with emotional pain and loss.

On the posts I read on r/FDS, just like with r/MGTOW and others, there was a lot of pain, and people reaching out for various ways to wrestle with it.

Of course, the online space of these tribes doesn’t define the whole of the population.

With FDS, as with MGTOW, The Red Pill, and others, people who are successfully dating are less likely to be posting on dating forums. We’re out on dates and having sex.

People who are most frustrated, and have the most time on their hands, have nothing better to do than refer to men in dehumanizing terms such as “low value” and “scrotes”.

As with MGTOW, online communities are a glimpse into that world, but not an accurate representation of EVERYONE that adheres to these beliefs.

Much of the content of Female Dating Strategies is concepts from The Red Pill simply reworded for women.

The FDS Handbook is a mixture of common RP knowledge, Steve Harvey quotes, and old fashioned dating advice, like “The Rules” book from the 90s.

The vibe is snide, with a childish sense of “Anything you can do I can do better!” girl power.

It reads as frustrated women attempting to get back at the Manosphere by trying to co-opt the language and techniques.

As I said, I feel compassion for the type of women who would need to be on the internet seeking out dating advice. Hopefully that space can evolve to offer real advice tailored for the needs of women, not just trying to hammer a square peg in a round hole by using the exact same Manosphere concepts, but changing the genders.

Terms like “spinning plates”, “plating”, and “The Wall”, were invented in the PUA community, and have been used for more than 20 years in that space.

They show up all over FDS because someone clearly hate read a gang of PUA/Red Pill content, then tried to shoehorn it to benefit women.

Certainly that was easier than coming up with something new to meet women’s unique imperatives in dating and relationships.

The majority of the content in r/FDS indicates the hurt, powerlessness, and frustration of the types of less desirable women who need “dating strategies” in the first place.

There are stories of men that cheated, lied, or otherwise misled them.

There is a lot of sassy “YASSS QWEEN!!” women’s empowerment.

There is a lot of positive mindset and wishful thinking for women who, statistically, don’t have much of a chance of finding the committed relationships and marriage at all, much less with the attractive, successful men they say they want.

A beautiful, feminine, young woman is highly desirable on the dating market. They have their pick of male suitors, with all different kinds of men approaching her for dates.

Pretty women don’t need “strategies”; they need a bat to swing at all the men begging to buy her dinner, drinks, and take her on trips.

Less attractive women need schemes to get dates, relationships, and commitment because their looks, and frankly, their personalities aren’t appealing enough.

Like it or not, in our society today, women are prized for their beauty and youth; men are prized for their achievements and resources.

On the whole, women are relevant in the dating and relationship market from puberty to about mid-30s. No one is telling women that their days, in terms of value to men, are numbered.

When they find out the hard way, it’s already too late. They turn to female incel spaces like FDS for solace.

The Red Pill is able to help men because it explains this basic truth to them, something even FDS adherents have no choice but to acknowledge.

An average looking man can enhance his looks, charisma, and finances, and thus, improve his opportunities with women, very simply.

He works out: putting on lean muscle, and trimming down excess body fat.

He gets stylish, well fitted clothes, improves his grooming, and learns key social skills.

An average looking man can EASILY get dates and sex with women, if he’s willing to do the work.

The Manosphere is FULL of success stories of average men who went from frustrated, friendzoned chumps to total players with a year of work on improving himself.

I experienced this myself.

I went from a scrawny beta who was constantly brushed off, pushed aside, and rejected with “…Let’s just be friends” to juggling all the dates I could handle, usually 3- 4 per week, with beautiful women.

In the last 6 months, I dated a 23 year old student at a local university, and a 40 year old art professor at the same school, and dozens of other attractive, fun, interesting women in between.

I met an early 40s woman at a local coffee shop and later invited her out for drinks. A few weeks later, I matched with her 23 year old daughter on a dating app.

I massively improved my dating and sex life, and I did it in my mid- 30s.

At 37, I am having more dates, romance, and sex with more women than I EVER have in my life.

Critics can call the Manosphere and The Red Pill “misogynist”, but the things I learned there worked for me and for hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of other men over the years.

It works.

This indisputable fact is the reason why women hate it so much.

Women do not have the same agency, or the same amount of time.

A woman’s value (in the dating market) is in her:

A more plain woman can improve her odds with make up, hair, and clothing. However, the standards of female beauty are a lot higher, and much more attached to her body and youth than men.

An average looking woman will gain an advantage by getting fit, dressing more attractively, and increasing her femininity.

However, once she is past the ages of 30- 35 max, her options among men start shrinking dramatically, no matter what she does.

FDS users oddly, and fanatically, swear that there is no such thing as The Wall.

However, many of the comments on posts are from women over 35, to as much as age 63, complaining that they are unhappily single, and blaming “low value” men for their plight.

Nobody has ever heard women nearing and over 40 saying they are HAPPY with the amount and quality of men wanting to seriously date them.

There are whole Youtube channels dedicated to mocking all the think pieces written by romantically frustrated women in their 30s and older.

Common themes are the women lamenting how men their age “don’t want to commit” or “are all chasing younger women”.

The Wall clearly exists and manifests in two ways: 1. Women are less attractive to men every year after age 29. 2. At 30, men are growing MORE attractive, especially to younger women.

Female Dating Strategies may claim that The Wall is “bullshit”, as one commenter posted. However, as Rollo Tomassi wrote in his book The Rational Male:

“The closer you get to the truth, the louder women screech.”

First, let’s dive into the typical poster on r/FDS.

A disproportionate amount of the posts and comments on the sub seem to be from Black women, in itself very surprising, since Reddit itself is overwhelmingly white and male.

The types of usernames, the language and slang, and other subs that posters are active in, such as BlackPeopleTwitter, all indicate that FDS users are a disproportionately high number of Black women, mostly age 30 and up.

All the studies on the topic have shown that Black women are the least desired group of women in the dating pool.

Everyone in this space is aware of this.

There’s a new video or think piece by Black women themselves complaining about their lack of dating options seemingly every other day.

This is already a group of (in terms of the dating market) largely undesirable, and therefore highly frustrated women.

Username Checks Out

I will not share actual usernames here, out of respect for these women’s privacy. Many of the usernames of posters on the sub contain words indicating darker skin color, a practice that a common among Black women.

Where the username indicates race of skin color, terms like “caramel”, “mocha”, variations of “chocolate”, like “Coco”, are used.

Slang

Where usernames don’t indicate race, the use of language often indicates Black American experience.

Terms that originated in the Black American community, and are mostly used by Black American women are common on the sub: for example “sis’”, “bruh”, etc.

Another strong indicator that most of the users are Black women is phrases like “level up” and calling each other “queens”.

The verbiage of FDS sounds like the way that Black Americans speak.

I’ll say again that I don’t have a problem with the existence of FemaleDatingStrategies.

If the teachings are helping women, good for them.

The problem is that ideas being preached on FDS don’t line up with reality.

The women’s empowerment spiel may feel inspiring for readers who are disillusioned with their dating and relationship experiences, however once the buzz of sassy “You go girl!” feminism wears off, the women are still at the bottom of the dating pool, only more frustrated than before.

“How many physically attractive women have you known? Most people have met HUNDREDS of attractive women. …beautiful women are everywhere.

…How many men have you known who were a ‘total package’, meaning they had all aspects of their life handled…?

-David DeAngelo, “Attraction Is Not A Choice”

There are MUCH fewer: physically attractive, financially successful, and charming men available, than women who want to date physically attractive, financially successful, charming men.

Men that qualify as “high value male”, (HVM) are rare in society at large, and are as rare as unicorns in the Black American community.

Men who fit this description, speaking as one, are WELL AWARE of this fact.

Once women of FDS understand these numbers, they feel disillusioned.

Even if I rate my own looks as average, I’m lean, and muscular, in great shape.

I dress well, smell good.

I have friends, hobbies, and a career.

When women get to know me and my (modestly) successful lifestyle, often, their eyes light up, and they outright pursue me.

For example, texts, calls, making me dinner, and of course, sex.

All this with little effort on my part, other than looking good, and having my life together on a basic adult level.

I have access to (but don’t necessarily indulge in) as much sex as I want, and could easily upgrade any one of these women to a committed relationship, if that’s what I wanted.

I don’t ever wait 3 dates for sex, let alone 3 months, and there’s no way I would. I have no reason to do so.

Six weeks into the Coronavirus lock down, I’ve had 4 different women text me, wanting to come over, or inviting me to their place.

The posters of FDS know this.

The belief that women have “inherent value” and bragging that “women are the prize” are central tenets of the sub, but the truth comes out deeper in the comments.

Several posts admit that men are the gatekeepers in relationships, and “High value men” (HVM) are in the driver’s seat in dating and relationships.

Why would men like this wait 2- 3 months, or even 2- 3 dates, for negotiated sex? ESPECIALLY with 35 year old feminists and single moms?

It goes without saying.

Attractive women have men chasing them down for dates and relationships. They don’t need the misguided advice of FDS.

Unfortunately, the types of women who DO need dating “strategies” are misguided by the ideas being taught on FDS.

The FDS Handbook states that men should do all the pursuing, pay for all dates, and the woman should hold out 2- 3 months before having sex, at a minimum.

I already established that even I, an above average man, wouldn’t put up with that.

I don’t need to.

I don’t know any men that do.

If I’ve spent 2- 3 evenings with a woman, and she’s not initiating physical contact: touching my thigh, leaning in close, holding seductive eye contact, I assume she’s not interested in me, and I move on to a woman that is.

No dinner dates, no waiting around to get “vetted”, no pretending like I’m going to wait 3 months for business like sex, and the bills that come with raising another man’s child.

Hanging out for months without sex is for friendzoned guys with no options, not the handsome, successful “HVM” that the sub lusts after. The “make him wait for sex” scheme doesn’t even make sense, in this regard.

Outside of religious men, men with no game, or Russell Wilson (who is married) grown men are not waiting months for sex, especially not for the types of women on FDS who openly admit they are not desirable.

For a group of women who are longing to be in committed relationships, the ladies of FDS have a lot of salt for women who have found a man to commit to them. Many posts on the sub are screenshots of women who are actually in relationships fawning over their partners. These are posted with sneering captions from the femcels that congregate there.

The crew at r/FDS seem offended that women’s standards are, in their opinion, too low. The funny thing is, that the women that get dismissed as “pickmeishas” have attained the relationships that FDS femcels want!

The reality is that women DO appreciate small gestures of affection and appreciation. Men that these women consider “low value” and women that FDS considers “pickmeishas” are IN relationships.

A large number of posts on the sub are simply mocking other people’s relationships, which comes off as sour grapes from a group of women posting “strategies” online for how to find commitment.

Posters in the FDS community shame and mock men for wanting to date younger women, claiming that young women don’t find “creepy” older men desirable.

They shame women for dating slightly older (5- 7+ years) men, when it’s well known that women, especially feminine women, PREFER older men. In fact, the attributes that make men attractive: confidence, masculinity, financial security, are ONLY attained with age.

They deny that older men are successful with younger women. It’s hard to reconcile that with all the posts of younger women, describing relationships with older men.

They claim The Wall is an evil lie by men, but MANY of the posters are “happily single!” and “single by choice!” women in their 30s and up.

The longer I read into the sub, the more it sounded indistinguishable from any other incel forum.

Like a lot of online communities, it’s a circle jerk echo chamber where a group of similarly frustrated people get together to commiserate and deny reality.

Posters on FDS frequently use in-group language, for example, abbreviations, and special terms to dehumanize anyone outside the group.

This behavior highlights their isolation and frustration. A “low value men” (LVM) is any man that won’t commit to them, regardless of his attractiveness or success. Other insults like “scrote”, “pickmeisha” are thrown around, even when the person in question is demonstrating that they are in a relationship. It seems like sour grapes, and it did cause me to feel more empathy for these women than anger.

I had heard a lot about r/FemaleDatingStrategies in other online spaces, so I was curious about it. I’m glad that I looked into it for myself, in order to form my own opinion.

In short, it’s a lot of feel good speech that offers a salve of hope to a group of people who desperately need it.

There is a huge market for, and a lot of money in, telling women what they want to hear.

Men like Derrick Jaxn, and his white counterpart, Matthew Hussey, write best selling books, go on speaking tours, and make millions from women who want a (hot) guy to tell them their prince really IS coming someday.

I looked for some value in the posts I read. The best advice available there is for women to build full, satisfying lives outside of relationships with men.

There are posts, though not as many as blatantly bitter man bashing, encouraging women to travel, invest in friendships, work out, pursue education and career. Underneath all the obviously false bravado, they do admit that most women in that community will not be able to strategize a successful man into paying for expensive dates and waiting months for sex.

Unfortunately, nothing I read on there is going to help women find a great guy to sweep them off their feet.

The advice that would really help single women, “Be pretty. Be young. Be agreeable. Be feminine.” is dismissed and shot down as “Pick Me”.

That was my first time delving into the circle jerk that is FemaleDatingStrategies, and it’ll be the last. I wish those women the best of luck. They need it. And they know it.

Originally published at https://solitarybeast.com on April 14, 2020.